OK as long as you are laughing you have hope. Perhaps there is a snuggleslut lurking inside of you just waiting for the clue. Human beings thrive on physical contact. sex is not the only way or always the best idea to attain physical intimate contact for whatever reason. You're in Portland so you are already halfway there. that says a lot. i am a big fat hairy turkish guy(I'm not fat actually but prefer to think of myself as big boned) but I'm sure once we cuddle and you recognise the humanity in me you will get past that.
<hugs>